If a man already has a child from his first marriage

Almost every day everyone reads about women with children from their first marriage, where it is said that children are always a big difficulty for a new husband as well as other nuances are discussed. On our site we also have such articles and our editorial staff has already considered this topic before. But there is another interesting thing. Why are there not or why there are there so few posts about divorced men with children from their first marriage? Such men also deserve attention and they have their pluses and minuses.

So, having the intention to get married with such a man, a Ukrainian woman should be ready for many difficulties, which she probably doesn't suspect in advance. And let's talk further what problems she may face.

Laws of family life

The relationship of a woman with her husband's child from the first marriage is the most frequent problem that each family tries to solve in their particular way. A Ukrainian woman should remember the most important thing: the one who came later must respect the one who came before him or her. A woman will have to respect the ex-wife of her man and at least have a neutral attitude towards her. Therefore, the earlier a new Ukrainian wife understands it, the more likely that the marriage will be stable and strong.

In addition, with the birth of common children, a Ukrainian wife doesn't need to try to make it so that for a man they are «more significant and more important» than his child from the first marriage. This is unlikely to happen because the child from the first marriage will always remain first.

Problems a new wife will face

Everyone has heard about difficult situations which can be faced when a man already has a child from his first marriage. But, if a woman really wants to build a family with a man, she needs to show maximum patience and tolerance so that the «child» issues in her family are solved peacefully and with understanding.
So, what should a Ukrainian wife be ready for?

Financial expenses

A future husband will monthly or, perhaps, even more often, spend a certain amount of money on the child from the first marriage. A new wife won't always like this because the money from the family budget can be spent on something else. A woman should immediately agree with a man on how much money he will give to his child from the first marriage in order not to have any misunderstanding or disputes.

Meeting with a child from the first marriage

As an exemplary father, a man after the wedding, most likely won't forget about his father's duty. And it means that he will strive, according to his rights, to devote some time to his child. In order to avoid any conflicts, it will be reasonable to agree in advance on which days the meetings between the father and his child will take place. Also a child from the first marriage can come on a certain day to visit his father. And it's desirable for a Ukrainian woman to meet this child friendly, otherwise her husband’s feelings will be hurt. But these meetings are held exclusively at the discretion of a new wife.

Vacation with a child from the first marriage

It's very likely that a man will have a wish to spend his vacation with his child because he doesn't see him or her often, and a child misses his or her father. This happens more often if the child loves the father, the father loves his child, and good fathers more often have such situation. A woman will have to yield and to agree to a joint vacation or a trip.

Calls from the ex-wife

A woman should be ready for unexpected calls and requests from the ex-wife or a child from the first marriage. In addition, a man and therefore, a Ukrainian wife, may be disturbed not only when it comes to the essential issues. Unexpected calls or requests can touch upon insignificant issues or financial help. And a man is unlikely to turn so easily his back on the problems of the former family. Therefore, a woman must have patience and humility.

Jealousy

Almost each new wife faces this complicated feeling. But if a woman is jealous, it would be of another women of her beloved husband - this, let's say, is natural, instead of being jealous of a child from the first marriage which is frankly strange. In fact, this is jealousy not of the child, but of his ex-wife. A woman will have to control her jealousy to avoid spoiling the relations with her beloved man. It's desirable to share feelings and contradictions with him, but they shouldn't be cultivated.

A man will always have his past

Accepting a man, a Ukrainian woman also accepts his past, including a child from his first marriage. This means that her man's child from the first marriage enters her life along with a man. Psychologists note that the second wife won't immediately get good relations with her husband's child. In addition, she doesn't owe anything to anyone, so she doesn't have to love his children with all her heart.

How should a Ukrainian wife behave?

In order not to have her further family life darkened by constant conflicts on this matter, a woman may need much wisdom and spiritual strength to win the favor and trust of a child from the first marriage.

First of all, a woman should try to arrange that her husband and his child spend some time tête-a-tête, without her presence. She can send them together to a cinema, a zoo or a café, and if they want to do something together at home, then she can say that she needs to shop and suggest buying something for them. A woman should do this unobtrusively, so that the child and her husband don't think that the woman runs away from them because she doesn't like such a company. It's just because they will be able to discuss many things in a more or less peaceful atmosphere about which they won't talk in a woman's presence.

Secondly, a Ukrainian wife shouldn't try to bribe a child. Children feel the intentions of other people even better than adults. If a woman genuinely wants to make a gift, a child will feel it. But a child will also feel if he or she is presented with toys or sweets with one single goal - to win sympathy.

Thirdly, a woman should have a heart-to-heart talk with her husband and tell him openly that she has a desire to find a common language with his child. Maybe, from his point of view, the woman is doing something wrong. He should know that his new wife is well-wishing toward his child. Maybe, it's the man who will become the bridge between them.

Also, a Ukrainian wife needs to find time and opportunity to be alone with a child, without the presence of her husband. With this purpose a woman can start family traditions, for example - to go to the pool, to the cinema, to go for sports on certain days. During this time it's necessary to talk to the child, not to be silent, to entrust to this child some small secret. A woman needs to make the child understand that she accepts him or her, that they have a lot of things in common, that she trusts him or her and wants this child to trust her.

A woman will need to try to find a golden mean in communication with a child from the first marriage of her husband. A woman shouldn't allow the child to manage her, but also shouldn't overdo with an attempts of bringing up. A woman can gently and unobtrusively show a child that she also has enough rights in this house.

It's also possible that a child will be set against a new father’s wife by the ex-wife because ex-wives can be touchy and vindictive. Therefore, don't insult the child's mother in his or her presence and don’t speak negative about her, even if a child cites her unflattering opinions about a woman. A child treats a woman hostilely, while he or she is little. But, if everything is done in a proper way, then in the future a child can even become a friend of a woman, feeling guilty for his or her childish attitude and thanking her for her tactfulness and patience. But it will happen when a child grows up, and before that a woman always needs to find wisely a balance and a golden mean in communication.

If a woman decided to marry a man who has already a child from a previous marriage, then she needs to accept the idea that this man isn't only her husband, but also a father of his child. She needs to be ready for this in advance and support the maximum possible friendly relations with his child. In addition, a man will always be grateful to that woman who doesn't brawl and impede meetings with a child. In this case, his love towards his new wife will only grow because of gratitude.
Be happy!

Juliya